NCFM President Harry Crouch responds to NCFMC hit piece “Male Survivors deserve better”
NCFM NOTE: NCFM has been moving toward establishing groups on or near college and university campuses. One of those groups is NCFMC (The National Coalition For Men Carolinas’ Chapter). NCFMC recently had a small rally at NC Chapel Hill which resulted in a hit piece published in the school newspaper, The Daily Tarheel. Please feel free to click on that link to read the full article and leave comments. I submitted the following…
Ms. Wilder, in your missive about Men’s Rights groups, “Male survivors deserve better” you said, “But many of these groups, including…the National Coalition for Men Carolinas, talk about gender in a way that harms everyone. Men’s rights groups foster violent ideology and use male survivors as objects of propaganda instead of respecting them and offering them resources.”
I am President of the National Coalition For Men, which for over 36 years has been dedicated to eradicating gender-based stereotypes, especially as they adversely impact boys, men, their families, and the women who love them. That is, most of us. We are the oldest men’s rights organization on the planet, have influence, and help thousands of people each and every year.
You wrote, “The National Coalition for Men Carolinas “…have a clear animosity toward feminists and anyone who advocates for an end to gender-based violence.”
NCFM and NCFMC do have animosity toward misandric feminists and anyone else whose only interests are hate-based and self-serving at the expense of well well-meaning people.
But to suggest that NCFM or NCFMC have “a clear animosity to anyone who advocates for an end to gender-based violence” is inexcusable and borders on libel.
You say, “Men’s rights groups are not interested in supporting male survivors of interpersonal violence. They spread hatefulness and resentment toward feminist women and use male survivors as evidence of systemic misandry.”
Such ignorance leaves me speechless, almost… I can’t speak for all MRA groups, for sure some are in your face anti-feminist anything and everything, there may even be a few fringe groups dedicated to hating women. But NCFM is not one of them and suggesting we are is ignorance of the highest order.
That said, NCFM has helped tens of thousands of men and women all over North America and in many countries, including ongoing efforts in Kenya to stop the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s efforts to circumcise males in Sub Sahara Africa (mandatory genital mutilation is violence).
We have an active law suit against the Selective Service System for their refusal to require young women to register, even though women can join any military branch without fear of repercussions for failing to register for the SSS. Young men who fail to register are basically disenfranchised and face the threat of incarceration, another form of systematic abuse of males.
Last weekend I was one of three trainers working with a group of SAFE FAITH PLACE COMMUNITIES volunteers. SFPC is a nondenominational domestic violence information, education, referral and support group under the auspices of the San Diego Domestic Violence Council. As a member of the SDDVC Men’s Leadership Forum I worked with other liked minded people to design, implement, and help grow SFPC. NCFM has members working with the Los Angeles Domestic Violence Council too, though that organization arrogantly resists the idea of abused men for fear of empire deflation.
With few exceptions not a day goes by that NCFM doesn’t receive one or more calls from or referrals for a distraught man or woman in an abusive situation. Quite often it’s someone’s mother, sister, aunt, or female friend concerned for a man they care about. Unfortunately, there are few services for abused men and almost no emergency services, though there are a growing number of service organizations that help single fathers and their children, but not just single men. There are thousands of “women shelters” and to my knowledge not one shelter specifically labeled “men shelter.”
Other NCFM members around North America and other countries are involved with outreach, education, and information efforts. NCFM is an incubator for like minded organizations and has relationships with organizations conceptualized, implemented, and overseen entirely by women. We propose, foster, and fight for gender inclusive and neutral legislation, policies, procedures, and rules while tackling applicable maladministration and misadministration issues. Our members have successfully fought through the courts to end gender discrimination in public accommodations, domestic violence programs, and even women only self-defense classes. We, NCFM, IS the organization with a demonstrated and continuing interest in equal treatment, which is clearly evidenced by our efforts and accomplishments to make the world a better place for all of us.
NCFM Carolina’s is one of our chapters and we support their efforts. NCFM, NCFMC and all our members, oppose sexual assault. NCFMC is also committed to protecting college students from false accusations and injustices by university disciplinary panels biased against males; and, yes, there is sufficient evidence to support the claim. In sum, we are opposed to sexual assault and wrongful accusations.
Regardless, stopping sexual assaults should not be at the expense of the innocent; nor, should those falsely accused become sacrificial scapegoats to satisfy some feminist or political agenda. False accusations burden entire extended families whose lives are turned upside down, finances drained, leaving family members not knowing what to believe, stressed, depressed, despondent, and even suicidal. Please remember, before starting with the “how about the victim” rebuttal that here, the “victim” is the falsely accused, not the person making the allegation. He/she false accuser is the perpetrator, should be severely disciplined and if applicable, held accountable for crimes.
NCFM has women members, advisers, board members, and directors. In fact, our Treasurer is a feisty redheaded Texan who left the National Organization of Women after realizing many of the women with whom she worked were misandrists. NCFM is not misogynistic.
The difference between NCFM and organizations like NOW or most campus based women organizations is stark. NOW and like organizations are concerned with the best interests of women. NCFM is concerned about the best interests of all of us.
NCFM has helped tens of thousands of people, including but not limited to, thousands of people of abuse. Me, personally, I have helped and worked with thousands of abused men and women, including alleged and convicted felons.
For all those reasons Ms. Wilder you owe NCFM, NCFMC, our members around the world, and me personally one very large apology. Your ignorance is harmful to all well-meaning people.
Oh, I almost forgot, Ms. Wilder, please follow your own advice? Call the “Orange County Rape Crisis Center’s help line at 1-866-WE LISTEN.” Ask them how many domestic violence shelters they have listed for single women. Then, ask them how many they have listed for single men. Your finding cannot be defended by the myth that there are more abused women than men in America (see:http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=b7HGpkRmodY), nor will patriarchal angst satisfy the answer. You might even ask them if they can refer you to the shelter or shelters for abused pets, which have a higher standing in the Domestic Violence Industry than abused men.
Speaking of patriarchy, please go outside, look around, and ask yourself what you see that was not build by men. One of the horrific consequences of patriarchy is that you have a roof over your head, clothes to wear, food on the table, and a university you can attend where you learn that men are the cause of all the world’s problems.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help you understand that reality and perception are often quite different. As you say, “All survivors deserve better,” especially men. What have you done to help? Criticize?